DARK PASSENGER

Thinking about it in my head made me feel a bit DEXTERified.

Can you feel it, that hate, that pain, that anxiety, that need to be admired/love/understood.. That dream that you can't realize, it deeply makes you sad, it turns you into a depressive person isn't it ?

That thing, that thing that you keep quiet inside you, so quiet that you can't really notice it, this is what I call everyone's dark passenger. This is a thing that takes you down, it destroyes you from the inside and is the worse thing you'll have to face in life (I think). 

Because after all, the others don't create that thing in you, they just tell you it's here and they show you where.
I am not, in any way a perfect person, I hate things, people, life sometimes, I fear things.. All of those things are inside me, by knowing they're here I need to "domesticate" them to make them helping me moving on. One day Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." and this is totally what this is about. Be strong, show everybody how you can turn a weakness according to them into a power.

 Dear haters, thank you for showing me what's wrong with me so I can fix it and become a better person, 

Sincerly L.

THE FEAR OF DEATH

I don't know what's happening to me but.. I just feel like I need to express myself, that all of those things that I've always kept inside me need to go out of me, yeah they need to escape. They need to escape this dark side of me that I hide from everyone, that side that makes me want to stay alone all day, that side that makes me not to talk to anyone for days.. Let's say I'm a lonely person. This is not, in any way a call for some rescue or support, this is more like a "I'm like this, just deal with it" thing. I think it all began the day I lost him. You don't know how it feels 'til you live it, when it happened to me I was completely lost, I just wanted some peace, I wanted to be alone. I lost the person I loved the most on earth, and then I lost myself. I gave up, I started to wonder why I was on earth, what I wanted to do, what I wanted people to remember about me, what was death and thinking about this last one, I just started to fear death. Who would not you'll tell me. Moreover I wondered how to not be scared of it because HE was not. He knew he could leave me, leave us. What I didn't mention is that he had the faith, but when you're a scientist, you can't ignore that your brain and your entire body will stop living, where will your "spirit", your "soul" go ? Is there a life before death ? That scares me. This is just one of the thoughts I have about death, I unfortunately have so many others.. So this will be more like a public "secret diary". My goal is not the succeed like so many others, what I'm looking for is much more like a simple thing, but harder to achieve.. I just hope that some day I'll find the inner peace, I hope I'll find happiness. 

 This is for you, I can feel that you have an eye on me from where you are, I love you and I always will, grandpa.
Sincerly L.